Friday, October 17, 2008

Time of My Life!

It has been eons since I had a totally grumpy afternoon and I decide to pick the rags from the riches of my computer hard drive. Time grabbed me by the wrist and directed me to Green Day’s- Time of your Life. So lost was I in its connotation, its import that I decide to overcome the laziness and write a post rather earlier than my usual snail speed.

For the uninitiated, I am in my last year of undergraduate studies (Of course until unless my college people decide otherwise). The rate with which I let myself to be tamed by time is rather obnoxious. The comparisons are nauseous. The equivalences between a-then-me and a-now-me are non existent. I could never recollect a day when I went to exams unprepared।Alas! It was a story which existed only in then time frames! I hardly remember the last time I took to serious preparations! My exams came and went with a jiffy. But did I wonder for a second as to what it meant to be so oblivious? The care free me forgetting to bring in the calculators for the exams and not even letting it affect me in the aftermath does speak volumes of my negligence, doesn’t it? For the other exam I didn’t give a damn just because the others weren’t looking too committed either. So I can be pardoned for that sin! But the day next when I had one off the important papers- What did I do for preparations? Play the whole evening. Started reading at 10- Stopped by 10.45 and slept till the exam. So much so that it didn’t affect me like anything. An ant crawled over a goofy fur? Enough room for my carefree no-matter-what attitude? I leave space to tumble myself in the ignominy of my former self. But then do I matter? Even in the former outfit? Just for the record Am I giving in too easily or do these things don't deserve the look? I Am just curious! Are all the bricks in the wall same or is mine different?

So much so for the time of my life!

The people I would like to be around at present, doing the things I miss doing are sitting elsewhere in some other part of the world. Now all I yearn for is a neat dossier of chat which at some point was much more than life capsules. I am learning to live with it. I am learning to be aimless. I am learning to be the crowd in crowding sphere! May be perhaps it is a juncture in time? A fork still struck on the road? I am being cast in outcast role. My sentences are silent and my eagerness slimed. Do I need to cut through? To fight for all that could be mine? The juice really worth the squeeze? Is moral fibers not mean clinging to what you like? I am still passive. Maybe I want this spell to get over. But I am struck with a jinx. I don’t know how to distinguish when nothing ends and something begins? Help me guys!

9 comments:

Baishali said...

Life is not always the same - simple reasonn - situations change, moments fly away ( and no matter how hard you try, you earn for you cannot stick to it forever)and surroundings changes (and mind you we the normal beings get moulded by our surroundings). Lets come to the first point you made about your attitude (not intentional though ) towards exams...now there will be many who will agree with me...lets not draw a comparison between what we were in school or in the early days of college..cmon now we all know the trends of the engineering colleges ...u tell me ho studies and who really comes bak after the exam and ponders seriously on wht they have done on the paper..see that nerd grp is always present but its ok...u dnt want to be a part of that in the 4 th yr atleast ---u will get better opportunities to fall in that grp later---and yaah exams are not the yardstick to measure whetehr u r outcasted or not----so peace mar.

next---hmmmm ..yaah ppl move away, the activities that made your day once ...seems to be lost in time....to be gone with those ppl who meant a world to u...thats true and thats true wid everyone...but we cant just sit and think abt them write ...definitely the childhood days, the school days were much more blissfulthen came college ---and u get friends for lifetime....but then they too go...and then u get marrried and u donot get to meet ur parents or play and gossip with ur siblings the way u used to....but u knw wht ppl mite move away but those memories should be used as pain killers rather than the contrary bcoz these remains are the most precious assets that you can have ......so ispe bhi peace maar

the last thing is yaah uhave to fite for all that can be urs....coz thats the rule of the world u just cant sit and think anbt wht u ve lost...u can have them bak ...coz u deserve them

this spell will get over and hen it does you will know it urself...

and remember what you have written "i stumble upon and fall to fly again"
yaad rakh
ab chill maar

•♥•♥[V]♥•♥• said...

i am so going throught eh same phase..

sab to baishali ne keh diya...
dono peace marte hain .. :D

take care bro

alien said...

Dood... exams ke liye load nahi lene ka... 4th yr hai.. chill maar... ab buss bhai se compare na karo apne aap ko... agar akhri saal bhi padhega to chill kab marega?
and dood, times change, people change... its difficult to let go of thise happy memories, its even harder when they are forcefully taken away from us... but we need to put it behind us and tak it to the other side...
and as of ur present phase.. find out a challenge.. and then challenge urself to meet the challenge... easier said than done.. but that's the only way...

Unwritten said...

Scrubbing against past or questions tht u raise will never help.

Ur lessons on being aimless & unhappening is ur jinx. Shed them, for holding onto these lessons cud only dry up ur life!

Fly again buddy coz the sky is urs
There is no beginning and no ending for birds who wish to fly!

Prabhu Dutta Das said...

The point was we all grew along it. It stood out and was visible even to blind eye! It was the only constant change that dripped through all the time. We saw it, felt it and let go of it!

Usha Pisharody said...

For one thing, this is one post you shall be smiling at , rather soon I'd venture to guess!
I have one, just like you at home here, especially with regard to preps for exams, being part of the crowd, losing the self, n all that jazz...:D

The anxiety is perhaps magnified when you think of being part of a madding crowd, when all you want is to make a difference to yourself! That is troubling. But then again, if you don't let go, let your hair down now, so to speak, when else are you going to do it?? Your time is here and now:)
Flow with it; enjoy it as and when you can, responsibly:)

I guess we all are that brick in the wall, another brick in the wall [Pink Floyd had the right idea alright!!]; But then the time will come, it definitely will, when you begin to act definitively. Think of this phase, if it still persists after all that the others have responded, before me:), as one that you learn from, to prioritize, to chill out, to let go, to ruminate, to despair...:) And a challenge to overcome!!!

Glad that this gives you time, though, to keep dropping by at the blog, lol!

I wouldn't despair if I were you...:)These things happen even when you are 40+.. Lol!!!

Mads said...

one of the few posts which wasnt a bouncer for me :D

aargh. happens. totally get it
and dont worry...college wont let u stay after ur last yr :D
u'll pass :D :P

Mahita said...

Very sure u r over this phase, or is it still on?? :)...

True enough that testing times fall on us, but somehow I am inclined to assume that u r not as helpless as the blog portrays and that u have stood tall through the phase :) and still are ... BTW, did u read this post again, once u r done with the rambling? Did it bring a smile???

Sashu... said...

ah! can totally relate to this...all f us muz hv had these very thoughts atleast at some point or de other...

as de sayin goes "friends are for a season, a reason or a lifetime..." maybe its a season's end :)

cheerio admirer :)